I could hear my heart sound. I don’t know why i wanted to finish it beautifully and cleanly even I don’t have a good memory there. I don’t remember what i felt. I added a lie and gave my resignation justified. I don’t know why i didn’t think to tell about complaining. I just wanna put it all down.
I didn’t laugh at the last day of the company, the first day, and the first day i became unemployed.
My other resignation
I made plans when and how to tell co-workers in what order. I wanted to speak quickly. The plan was to come to a realistic time, so I couldn’t focus on work. I didn’t wanna see me not focusing on work. It seemed that i would not have to work if I notice my resignation. It is a foolish idea.
My plan was three steps. and for the first step, I told 2 friendly co-workers to have lunch. I was able to eat with only one. From the beginning, i heard the sound of the plan being failed.
For about 10 minutes of walking together for lunch, my head was full of my resignation. even though i sat in the restaurant, other words come out of my mouth. I tot my first resignation for a moment.
Talking about my resignation
When I shouted ‘Is now time to say!?’ 10 times, It finally popped out of my mouth. Her eyes were getting bigger and didn’t say anything.
I thought my mind of resignation was big and old, so I thought that others might know. I was puzzled by the unexpected reaction. She said she imagined her resignation only not other person.
I told her that i will talk other worker who couldn’t have lunch together today that i should say on messenger and she opposed. It was funny, but I felt good cause it seems my resignation is worth it.
The next day I got a chance to tell the worker for a short time. The employee who had lunch together nudge me in the ribs with a signal to say. I said like a teddy bear which if someone push his stomach, and say. It was an unexpected reaction too. She told me not to lie. I told the plane a few times more, then finally she trust me. We don’t have enough time to talk more, we decided to talk later again.
The 2nd plan is telling an assistant manager. He and I work the same port of the project, so he always help me. I sent a message to the assistant manager to the go cafe. And he sent me. “OMG.”
I told my plan for the future that is about language training, working holiday and traveling. And I know that he wanted to resign to travel also. We talked about traveling and company till when we have to go home.
I hesitated slightly when I sent a message to tell my director. I thought if i told him, I couldn’t turn back.When i realized that I won’t return again, I pressed a button to send a message. It was 2pm on Friday, and he didn’t reply to me that day.
Monday. While I was preparing to go to work, I received an email saying that a meeting is held in the morning. After arriving at the company, I went to the meeting room and waiting him without seeing my cellphone. I didn’t want he to see me playing cellphone. After a couple of minutes, he came in with a note in one hand. Until now, when i told other colleagues, I told them i will resign, but to him, I said my plans about language training in the Philippines first.
He simply asked me where i would go and how long i would go, and offered to have lunch and a conversation. We had lunch and went to a cafe. For 3 hours, I was able to hear a lot of advice about language training from him who has already done language training. We didn’t talk about the resignation. the only one related is the question when it will be last day i asked.
I was excited, but in other hand, there was a guilt not focusing on work recently. I knew that he wouldn’t say anything about that, but I expected he to say something repackaged with advice such as ‘Do good at at next company,’ or ‘Live hard.’.
But he was good. he said, if u go short time only, and u can back without resignation. This short telling to me gave me a sincere rooting. it was like ‘u have done ur best in the meantime’ to me. he told me his opinion as a senior in life rather than advice on work. In the meantime, he was always consistent with words and actions. The one who led the culture by saying horizontal corporate culture was he of the people I experienced. What if I had met him as a friend rather than as a worker? He was a perfect director, but I was not be able to honest and I regretted that i had not tried to close him.
For the first
I realized how my company is when it’s the time to left the company. Detailed company stories, past misunderstandings, stories of colleagues, and more. When I was a part of the company, I did not wanna close too. I did’t think i needed to be friends.
As i started to prepare to left from the company, I could see where I was. I saw a high, solid wall that i struck. I destroyed the wall during I told them to resign. I thought it was a line and defense, but I found out that the name of the wall was groundless worries. Groundless worries tend to take the chance and give regrets.
If u asked me to be hired company again someday, and to think that i can enter a team or a company with a good culture like this company, I would say no. The first company was the opposite. It was a poor quality culture than any other company. After a while I realized that the company had been killing me.
Nevertheless, the desperation was greater than now. I don’t know whether it’s because it is not the first time, whether it’s a new beginning, or I have made plans for long time. What i think about this resignation a few year later.